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Wow I Hurt! Some of the Side Effects!

Since my last infusion, I have noticed changes a lot earlier in this round than normal.  I usually notice "issues" near the end of the treatment cycle.  I have noticed more and more that I am forgetful.  I have trouble remembering names and every once in a while I forget what I am talking about.  It could be just my age as well as the drug.

I have been playing basketball twice a week to stay in shape and to stay active.  I have been doing this for over a year.  Just in about the last month, I noticed that I get very sore especially after sitting for more that about 30 minutes.  I wake up in the morning and my joints are very sore.  My back will be stiff, my shoulders will be sore, and by hips, knees, and ankles will be very sore.  It makes it difficult at times to simply walk.  Walking up and down the stairs is also very difficult.  I have noticed that places that I have previously injured are also more sore than usual.  I have also noticed that when I sit and put my arms over my head, my feet will go numb and my hands will go numb.  Sometimes, if I put too much pressure on my arms or legs, they will go numb or "go to sleep".

I know that I am in a fight.  I also know that my daughters know when I struggle.  They don't say anything but I know it is "taxing" on them.  I also know that I am showing them that there are two ways to look at things.  You can look at things as a punishment or simply as a challenge.  You can choose to sit back and let the punishment lead you or you can hit the challenge head on and fight.  I have said all along that I was not going to lay down and let this define me.  I have been hit twice and I will fight until this war is won.  It may not be "won" the way many think but I know that I am teaching my girls how to fight and win!

I have yet to find any where that Life is suppose to be Fair.  The World has decided some how that everything is be fair.  I also believe that people have warped the definition of fair.  No where in the definition does fair does it say equal.  The Gospel does not promote the idea of everyone being equal.  Yes we were all created equal but Life is not equal.  If it was designed to be, then everyone would make the same amount of money, live in the same size house, drive the same number of cars, and go through the same challenges.  That is not how Life is.  My challenges are my own and the way I choose to handle those however I see fit.  I have decided that though my challenges seem tough, I can not judge others as being less than mine.

I hope that the way I handle my challenges sets the example to my girls letting them know how to fight and how to handle challenges with dignity.  Challenges don't have to define you and don't have to stop you from fully enjoying your life.  Challenges can be those things that bring meaning to your life and ultimately the happiness you are looking to have in your life.  I know that my challenges are a way for me to test my strength, heart, mental toughness, and my strength of Spirit.

How I love my life!  How I love my wife and 4 beautiful girls!!!  Life is great!

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